A Love To Live By | Dr. Winfred Neely

Across Africa, millions of Christians are suffering a Bible famine. They hunger for God's Word, but there simply aren't enough Bibles. Today, Timothy Project is close to launching Africa's first Bible web press. To help complete this project, visit timothyproject.info. Agape love is just not this mere sentimental fluff.

It has steel in it and is willing to make the hard decisions that are necessary for the highest good and flourishing of the other. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" . Today, three little words, easy to say, but also hard to do. Three little words that are the basis of just about all our relationships: love one another.

Author and former professor of hermeneutics, homiletics, and pastoral studies at Moody Bible Institute, Doctor Winfred Neely is going to help us unpack the meaning in those three little words today. Our featured resource at BuildingRelationships.us is Doctor Neely's latest book, "A Love to Live By." Rediscovering Agape Love in Scripture. We have a link right there at BuildingRelationships.us. And Gary, I think with all that you've written about the topic of the love languages, you are really going to resonate with what Dr. Neely's wake-up call is to us today.

I am excited about our program today, Chris, because I believe that love is one of the most important words in the English language, and certainly for Christians.

So yeah, I'm excited about our conversation today.

Well, let's meet Dr. Winfred Neely, a graduate of Wheaton Graduate School, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. His PhD is from the University of Aberdeen in Scotland. He's an ordained minister, was professor of hermeneutics, homiletics, and pastoral studies at Moody Bible Institute for more than twenty years. He is the retired vice president and academic dean of Moody Theological Seminary and professor emeritus of Old Testament biblical interpretation.

And biblical preaching. That's all the time we have for you today. But no, that's not true. He and his wife Stephanie have been married for fifty years. We got to tell you about that.

And our featured resource today at BuildingRelationships.us is a love to live by. Again, go to BuildingRelationships.us.

Well, Doctor Neely, welcome back to Building Relationships.

Well, thank you, Doctor Chapman. I'm honored to be on air with you and Chris today.

Now, before we dive into these three little words, can you give us an overview of your life, where God has led you and your wife to serve through the years? Obviously, Chris gave part of that; it's occasional part of that. Yeah.

Well, my Stephanie, my my dear wife of fifty years, we have gone through a a wonderful journey together. We did serve as missionaries in Senegal, West Africa, for ten years, and have served local churches here in the city of Chicago. And Stephanie has walked with me, beside me, serving the Lord, also in our own areas of giftedness. An incredible mother to our to our children, and so we are in a different season of life now, where I am retired but still involved in ministry, and she is. Is joining me in those in in endeavors, and that's kind of the the broad, very broad strokes, Gary, about Stephanie and and myself.

Well, that's a life that's well lived, I would say.

So God bless you. Oh, thank you. All that both of you have done together, and as you said, you you retire, but it doesn't mean that we aren't going to do ministry because we're all of us are servants of God, right? Oh no, that's that that's right.

Well, I was reminded one of my dear friends that this idea of retirement. You know, I can understand why we do that in terms of our institutions, but of course, biblically and theologically, we walk with God and serve God until the day we breathe our last, like like Moses did. And the Book of Deuteronomy gives several sermons, teaches Israel a song, then gives them a benediction. Goes up to Mount Pisgah and looks over and sees the Promised Land and dies. Yeah, that's that.

In the Book of Deuteronomy, lets us know that leaders, are all things being equal, serve God until the day that they breathe their last. Yeah, that's certainly my desire, and I know I know that's your desire. It is. Yeah, absolutely, it is. What burden or what moment in your pastoral journey convinced you that the church needs a fresh call to Christ-like love?

That's that's a good question. I have been thinking about this topic, and this, and writing a book on this topic for many, many years. It started, of course, when I was serving as a. Pastor, in Dakar, Senegal, and I was leading the congregation through a series of studies in on First John, and I came across in in my systematic exposition of First John, I came across John chapter four verses seven through twelve, beginning with "Beloved, let us love one another," and it was my message preparation. For the church, that's going to start a wonderful revolution, if I can use that term, in my own heart and mind, and life, about the purpose of Christian love.

In the life of the church, it's going to—it's going to change my life. It's—it's going to change my marriage, actually, and it had a big impact on the believers at that time, and and and and their lives.

So that was essentially the beginning. My now, I had seen it modeled before in in my mother's life. A dear colleague of mine, the late Eric Church, who was my mentor and senior colleague when I was a missionary, the late Eric Church from England, him and his wife Eftney embodied biblical love in in a way that was just so obvious to me. Yeah.

But I sensed, in my heart and mind, several years ago. That it was time for me to write the book, given the divisions that were marking the body of Christ, the vitriol, the emergence of cancel culture, and just weariness and and fatigue and giving up on one another as Christians. It seemed to me that now was the time to. Go ahead and get the book written for the benefit of the body of Christ. And again, I'm looking for revival and renewal and reformation in the life of the church.

Well, I think there's no question that it's definitely needed at this juncture in our culture. Boy, it's it's almost like we're in a civil war, war battle, you know, with words against each other, whatever the topic, almost. And certainly, if anyone should be leading the parade here for love, it is Christians, no question about it.

So, I am really glad you took the time to invest in putting this on paper, so folks so that all of us and the Be challenged again to this fundamental truth.

So, give us a working definition of the love you're talking about. What is agape love?

Well, first of all, it's God Himself who defines, clarifies, and exemplifies what love is, and the term. Agape itself, from a linguistic point of view, doesn't have a lot of significance in itself as a term. It's when the Spirit of God takes up this term, among others which He could have chosen, but He takes up this particular term, especially in the New Testament. He takes up this term as a noun and as a verb to clarify to us the love of God.

So it's when it's used of the love of God that the Spirit of God takes this term and fills it with really infinite significance.

So.

So much significance that the term agape, if I and if I can use A. W. Tozer's words, are being crushed with the weight of the significance of what is implied when this term is applied to God, and one working. Not so much, so much. Not so much a definition, because I don't think we can ever, ever, ever define love.

We will have been in heaven for billions upon billions of eternities, and still will be understanding different facets and aspect of who God is and who His love is.

So, the term is inexhaustible, is boundless, is it's it's it cannot be measured, but we know it when we see it.

Now, for example, agape love. Always works for the highest good, and kingdom flourishing, of the other, without any hidden agendas. And you say, well, how do we know that?

Well, we know that from God Himself. God Himself is complete; He's perfect. There isn't anything that we can add to God. There isn't anything that we can do to enrich God in terms of who He is. He acts out of complete.

He acts out of fullness. He He's already complete.

So when He loves us, He is doing it for our benefit and for our good. And so, agape love, when used of God, as a definition of of Christian love. Moves out without self-protection for the highest good and kingdom flourishing of the other.

Well, Doctor Neely, you talked about something of what the depth of the word agape love. Why is this kind of love the ingredient that gives the Christian life its real flavor? Wow! Because you know the Scripture says. Do everything that you do.

Do it in love. Ephesians says, speaking the truth in love, and when we talk about in love, we're talking about in the. Sphere of love, in the atmosphere of agape love, meaning then that everything that we say. Everything that we do, and every attitude that we have, every posture that we should take, should be done in the sphere of agape love. If we do not do it in love, Gary, we are not acting Christianly.

If I can say it the way Paul says it in First Corinthians thirteen, the greatest gifts in the world. The greatest sacrifices that we can make, minus love, equals zero, and that is that. That's quite stunning when we think about this. That love is central to everything that we do as followers of Christ, and I. It seems to me that we need to recover this truth because.

My sense is that the church has lost sight of this of the central and non negotiable place of agape love in the life of the church in the life of the Christian. Is it possible to do good things, but not in an attitude of love? Sure. Sure. Can you give us examples of that?

Well, you know, I think. I, I think we have scriptural. I think Paul says, "If I give away all my possessions, and if I surrender my body, so that I may glory, but do not have love, it does me no good." Yeah. If I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge. And if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

And sometimes we can even meet the needs of people, but our attitude is cold, our heart is callous. There's a kind of haughtiness in the eyes. And and and this is communicating to people, or they're helping me. But it's ice cold in here. Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

And so yes, we can we can do a lot of things. We can do we can do a lot of things. But just because we are are active and involved in doing a lot of things, and we're not doing it in love, is a problem. You know, I've always appreciated this about Samaritan's Purse ministry. You know, they do a lot of good things all over the world.

Yeah, sure they do. But they always say we do this in the name of Jesus. Yeah.

You know. Yeah.

Because really, that's that's what love's all about, right? That's right.

Well, you know. Yeah.

I was even reading. I was reading today, which is another. Another example. He doesn't use the term love, but this is what this is what it is. When Paul says to Titus in Titus chapter three verse one, remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work.

Listen to this: to slander no one, not to be contentious, but gentle. Listen to this: showing Every consideration for all people, and then he tells us why, because we were once foolish, you know, and we we're only different because God changed us. But when the kindness of God, our Savior, and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, and so as regenerate men and women. We are called upon to love one another and to love all people, including our enemies. Yeah.

So, if we're gonna love our enemies, how is that? How is that expressed? Because in today's world, it's we have enemies. We're fighting each other. We are.

So.

How do you? What is the attitude, and how is it expressed? This love to our enemies.

Well, it first of all, it we we pray. You know, the Lord Jesus says, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," so forth and so on.

So we pray. We ask God to soften our hearts toward them.

Now, it doesn't mean that we act unwisely. It doesn't mean that we are accepting verbal and physical abuse. What it does mean is that we do not allow our hearts to descend. Into the pit of hatred, because hatred then will result in reactions from us that are not healthy for us or for the other person.

Now, it's it's not easy. It's it's not an easy thing to do, and you know, there was someone, Gary, that did something that hurt my family deeply. Deeply, I didn't. I I just was not in a place where I could pray for that person, let alone mention that person, my name, for almost two years. And I'm writing the book, and I'm writing the chapter.

Love your enemies. Love your love your enemies. I've got in the middle of the chapter. That I was re I was revising the chapter, and I wrote as I reread this paragraph, I am reduced to tears. Lord, this is a hard word, but may Your love be done in my life, no matter how hurt and angry we are, hatred for the enemy, hatred of another human being.

Is off limits for the child of God.

Now, of course, it doesn't mean that we approve or sanction everything.

So, I don't want to. You know, this is why I got a chapter in there on love wisely directed as well. This is not a call to be foolish. This is fundamentally the posture of our heart toward toward people that are hostile toward us. We so we we have to create boundaries.

We have to take steps, of course, but we don't hate because hate is going to lead to violence. And other kinds of dysfunctional behavior on our part, and that way the cycle of evil continues. But we can break that cycle, at least by having a posture of of love and taking steps that are wise and well considered, in order to. In order to at least let the people know that we love them, even though we may disagree, even though we may not be in relationship, even though we may have to take some hard decisions, but I'm taking those hard decisions out of love and not hate. Yeah.

So, Doctor Neely, that means that we don't forget that we can love our enemies, but still not forget what has happened to us, right?

Well, no, that's right. We are not machines. We are not computers. We just don't hit the delete button, and painful memories disappear from the memory banks of our minds. That's not who we are.

We're people. We're human beings. We're breathing. We're living. But we try to remember redemptively.

Right, we try to remember in love, and we try to remember in such a way that it doesn't paralyze us in the present. And what I'm what I'm saying is, if someone may have hurt us deeply, and if we do not remember that redemptively, that spills over into other relationships, it gets in the way. We have a defensive posture. We refuse to reach out to other people because we've been hurt.

So, and so, how we had, and that's a whole another topic, Chris, about the memory. You know, why do I keep going over this? Why is this coming back to me? Why am I on my knees in prayer? And all of a sudden, my memory, my mind is flooded with all of these painful memories.

Where are we okay? But we have to remember redemptively in faith, take God at His word, and move on. And when it comes again, we just go through that process again. But it is foolish to put ourselves in harm's way. In the name of loving an enemy, that's a foolish thing to do, but it does mean that we can't.

God is calling us to love people instead of hating them. Almost like saying, "Lord, you know what I'm remembering today, and you know what I'm feeling today, but I thank you that I don't have to follow those feelings." And I want to pray that you would give me wisdom if there's something I can do that would be. Meaningful to them, but I want to pray for your hand to minister to them and bring them to yourself. That's what I hear you saying, at least part of what I hear you saying. Yeah, man.

I know. I think. I think that's accurate. We don't want to be chained to the past. Yeah.

We don't. We don't want to be chained. And I think this is what Paul is talking about. I preached a sermon. And I got that in the Harper, in terms of a of a book that's developing.

I'm developing a devotional on it now. Forget, reach, and press on. Ah, when Paul says forget in the things that are behind, and that that's dealing with memory, the victories and the trauma of the past, in such a way that it doesn't impact us in the present. And sometimes we live in the past. We can't move beyond it.

I've met people like that. I've met people like that. Their entire conversation was the trauma and pain of the past, resulting in bitterness in the present. By the grace of God, however, we can move on. By the grace of God, we can.

Yeah, I had lunch with a man not more than three weeks ago, who's demonstrating exactly what you said. The whole conversation. Was over the pain and hurt that happened thirty years ago. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I just kind of walked away with tears in my eyes to think that he would allow what happened, even though what happened was wrong, but he would allow that to continue to impact his life in a negative way.

Yeah.

You know. Yeah.

Well, you know, what's interesting, Joseph. Named after he rises to God, exhausted, he's in power now in Egypt. It said Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh, for he said, "Listen to this: God has made me forget all my trouble and all of my father's household." I don't think he's saying that he's had a lapse of memory. It seems to me that this means that God has enabled him to move on, and the trauma of being trafficked out by his own family is not going to impact him in the present. Yeah.

Thank you for joining us for the Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman podcast. He's the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Our guest today is Dr. Winfred Neely, author of A Love to Live By: Rediscovering Agape Love in Scripture.

That's our featured resource at BuildingRelationships.us, or find out more at FiveLoveLanguages.com. And remember, you can ask a question of Dr. Chapman when you. Call our listener line if you have a relationship struggle or a love language question. Call one eight six six four two four four two seven nine and leave your question.

You might hear an answer on an upcoming broadcast. One eight six six four two four Gary, Doctor Daly. We often hear the word tough love. Is agape love at times? Tough love, if so, what does that look like?

Yes, at times, agape love has to be tough because we can enable people. I have a chapter in the book devoted to that to that topic. I entitled that chapter prayerfully. And wisely directed, love. You know, for example, what if one of your friends has fallen upon drug addiction?

That happens, unfortunately. And they want to bring you into it. They want to you to, you know, you know, and I tell the story of of of a friend of mine. I know him very well. I mean, this is public knowledge.

How he, um, he was he would go to a sister's house in the middle of the winter. He was he was homeless, lived a heroin addict, and she would let him in to the house, and he would bring in all of the. Filth and the stench, and he would go upstairs and take a bath, and she would feed him, and the house was something of a disaster when he left. And so one time he went, she didn't let him in. He knocked on the door.

He knocked on the door. He, she didn't let him in. And he told me he had an epiphany. He said, "I was they aren't going to let me in," and he sat on those stairs in front of her house and cried like a little baby in the middle of the winter in Chicago, with a pair of gym shoes on and no socks. He sat there and sobbed.

But you know what he did? He went and checked himself into a drug rehabilitation center. Stayed there for an entire year. By the grace of God, the addiction was broken. Yeah.

And when he was leaving, when they were discharging him, the person who met him was his sister, who a year earlier did not let her into, uh. Her home, not because she didn't care, but precisely because she did. Not because she did not love, because she had the courage to love, in the biblical sense. Yeah.

So yeah, the the agape love is just not this mere sentimental fluff. It has steel in it. And is willing to make the hard decisions that are necessary for the highest good and flourishing of the other. Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I've sometimes said in my counseling office, when a wife is there and her husband has been physically abusive to her numerous times, I believe love says, "Honey, I love you too much to stay here." And let you do something that you know in your heart is wrong. I'm going to move in with mother. I'm not divorcing you. I'm willing to go for counseling with you. I'm willing to do anything for you to get treatment.

But I love you too much to just sit here and let you continue doing something that's not only hurting me but hurting you. That's tough love. Yeah.

May there be more of her kind. Absolutely. Yeah.

So your book explores several New Testament passages. Which text became the anchor for this project, and why did it speak so powerfully to you? The text in First John were the were the anchor text for me, mainly because these were the texts that God used to change my life.

So.

In First John, you know, it's been said that the Apostle Paul was the Apostle of Faith, Peter was the Apostle of Hope, and John was the Apostle of, or is the Apostle of Love. And it was something about this idea of of of love being of God, and that God. Is love was such a powerful statement to me, and I'm still reveling in it. You know, it's funny thing when you're an author, the book is written. I'm thinking to myself, "Boy, I wish I would have said this.

I wish I would have said that." You know, you know what I'm talking about. I wish I could have added that, and I wish I could have devoted. An entire chapter to God is love, right? That's that's an anchor for me. God is.

Let me think about God, omnipotent, all-wise, gushing, thriving, with oceans of. Ineffable wonder, thrilling beyond words. God is love. It's just absolutely such a breathtaking statement. You know, I wish I could have lingered with with the notion that love has always been operative in God.

Because he's triune, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The fact that God is love implies the Trinity. But he's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit were reveling in one another's infinite and ineffable holy love from all eternity, and that never was. And I don't at the moment if I can say it that way. When when.

The love of God was not in operation. I mean, that is a, that's a stunning, breathtaking statement to me. Moreover, He wants the Godhead dynamics of love to be reproduced. In our relationships with one another, so that a local congregation represents Godhead dynamics in its relationships with one another. Absolutely stunning to me.

Yeah.

Well, you know, when you think in terms of the church, often we find people who disagree on particular issues in the church, but disagreement doesn't have to. Stifle love, right? No, it doesn't. And it, and in fact, we should, we should discuss our disagreements in love.

Now, I have been married for fifty years. Mrs. Neely did not always agree with me. I did not always agree with Mrs. Neely, but people don't stay married for fifty years because they always agreed.

But they determined that we would be committed to one another in love.

Now I must say. I have learned through the years that I don't make any major decisions in my life if Stephanie's in disagreement with it. I did when I was a young man, but I stopped doing that because I found out I was looking up, and she never said, "I told you so." But I learned to stay out of Mrs. Neely's way and give due consideration. But I mean that.

I don't. I will not make any ministry decisions if Stephanie is is not is is she if she's not if she if she's in disagreement with it. I'll wait until we have one as a mind about it, or I may have to take something else into consideration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're a team, right?

That's right.

Yeah, I've often said to men, it's foolish to make a decision. Limited to your own wisdom, when God gave you a partner. Yeah, hello. Look at you two. One hundred and fifteen years aggregate of marriage experience here.

Doctor Neely married fifty years. Doctor Chapman sixty five years. And if you go to buildingrelationships.us, you'll see Doctor Neely's book, "A Love to Live By: Rediscovering Agape Love in Scripture." Again, you can. Find out more at buildingrelationships.us, Doctor Neela. You argue that Christian love extends not only to fellow believers but to all people.

Yes, and as we mentioned earlier, even to our enemies.

Now that's a pretty radical vision of love, isn't it? I mean, you don't you don't hear that in non-Christian circles. You don't, and it is it is God's vision. It's God's vision of of of of love. You know, when I was on staff, I was the teaching pastor of Lawndale Community Church on the west side of Chicago many many years ago.

And their mission statement is loving God and loving people, and so one of the things that we were asking ourselves. How can we love this community?

Now, keep in mind, Lawndale at the time was probably the 15th poorest community in the United States. Not in the state of it, but in the United States, had an infant mortality rate at one time that was higher than some third world countries. Right there on the west side of Chicago.

Well, well, they loved the people.

So what did they do? They started Lawndale Christian Health Center out of love. They started line their Christian Development Corporation because they loved the people, and helped them with housing and home ownership. Started the Hope House Ministry because they were concerned about men who were had been incarcerated. Didn't have anywhere to go, so they we had a program for them, so they could be reintegrated back into society and culture with a Christian base.

Drug addicts were a part of the Hope House Ministry. We we've got started the Justice Center. The express love to people. You know, so we're talking to people about Christ, of course. You know, the gospel is the center of everything we do, but it but is coming out of our love for Christ and coming out of the gospel, where we are showing love to community.

Started a justice clinic. That's really, really important. Just read about one of my dear friends, who was a former student at Moody Bible Institute, is a wonderful pastor now. Came to know the Lord Jesus while he was in prison, and one of his Friends was in prison, just got out here recently for fifty-two years. Was in jail for fifty-two years, and it was a crime he didn't commit.

It was a crime he didn't commit.

Now it's one thing he had to commit this crime, but he didn't do it, and we have that problem.

So, in love, in love, and concern, in the name of Jesus. We try to make our criminal justice system more equitable and fair, so that we're not incarcerating or even executing innocent people. And this is what this is what it looks like to love all people, right? These these are what what I would call the implications of of a full. Blown robust biblical theology of agape love that encompasses everything that God says to us from Genesis to Revelation, and it's because we have not understood this that we have gotten into trouble, and people consider the church to be apathetic and indifferent and unconcerned, and this is why we have to start loving.

One another, and loving all people, including our enemies. If we did that, we would have a spiritual revolution on hand. Why do you think Wilberforce fought against the slave trade?

Well, he's encouraged by John Wesley. You know, revival is breaking out in in England. Interesting, another you know.

So we had. Child labor laws, you know, getting the kids out of the mines.

Well, that came out of revival in the church, in reaching out in love in every sphere of life where God has placed us. If we did that, we would represent more of God's kingdom agenda in our fallen world.

Well. Boy, that's a powerful reality. That if every church in the country could adapt, you know, could the influence? Yeah, can you imagine what would happen if the entire body of Christ decided we are going to a practice agape love in everything, beginning now? Yeah, yeah.

Well, let's take this whole thing to marriage, and let's say there's a listener whose spouse is very, very difficult. Are there practical steps to cultivate a heart that reflects this kind of love in a very, very difficult marriage?

Well, that's a a good question. It's a complex question. It also depends upon what kind of difficulty. You you talked about earlier about a you know a wife saying to a husband, "I love you too much for for this to be to accept this." So I'm going to go to such and such.

So I'm going to leave so forth and so on for you to get help. It it could be. That more is required from the husband is one of the reasons why marriage is so difficult, right?

So you know, we talk about we talk about again. I mean, you're an expert in this—the love language and so forth and so on. I think if I'm loving in an agape sense, I will find out what your love language is, right? You see, I'm saying I will find out. I will find out what that is, and I will take steps to try to, to move move in in that direction.

See, Stephanie's love language is quality time. That's her love language. She wants to spend time with me. Which is okay. This is what she wants.

Touch is my lovely physical touch. I just need to be touched, and I'm good.

Okay, just touch me, baby. I'm okay.

Okay, Stephanie wants to. She wants to spend time with me, and I understand that.

So, out of agape love, I spend time with her, and then she's better. When when I don't spend time with Stephanie, she's upset. Right, and she lets me know even to this very day. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, Winford, you've got to come down out of the office now, because I'm a student. I love study. I love reading. I love preaching. Yeah.

I, you know, I, I, you know, but I have, I have a wife, and I have to take care of her, and I think those are some of the things that that we can do. And I encourage younger husbands too. You might want to help your wife with the baby.

Now, I know Gen Zs and some of the younger millennials are a little bit more keen to that, but me, as a baby boomer, I wasn't even helping my wife change diapers. I wasn't getting up at night, and it was when I was preparing this sermon. Back in Senegal some years ago, think about this.

Now I'm a missionary, I'm a pastor. I've always been going to language school, and I'm working in this country. And the Spirit of God says to me, Winford, I need you to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

Well, what do you want me to do? Want me taking her out to dinner, so forth and so on? No, I want you to go in there and change your son's diaper and give him a bottle. Yes, yes, yes, yeah. You know what happened?

I struggled for what seemed like an eternity because I realized for the first time, I think, how deeply selfish I was. And I said yes to the Holy Spirit, and Spirit of God filled me and with His presence as I was changing my son's diaper and giving him a bottle. You know, I'm thinking, okay, Lord, and I think one of the things that will that we have to come to terms with in difficult marriages is, for both people involved in it, that all of us are profoundly selfish, and we need the Spirit of God to help us move beyond our our self-centeredness in order to reach out and love to our husband or our wife. Yeah.

No question about it. I've sometimes challenged Christian leaders, whether it's a husband or a wife, and their spouse is not, you know, loving them in a way that's meaningful. What would? What about a six-month experiment in which you say to God, "I want to speak their love language at least once a week for six months, and just see what happens." And over and over again, I've seen that other person begin to melt. Yeah, because we all need to feel loved, especially in a marriage.

And when you take the initiative, whether it's a husband or wife, you take the initiative to love them in a way that's meaningful to them. You're touching, you're influencing them in the most positive way you can influence them. You know, so and loves and love stimulates love. The Bible says it does. Amen, amen.

That's that's what agape love will do. How does understanding God's love for us change the way we love others?

Well, when we have experienced God's love in the power of the Holy Spirit, it softens our heart, and as we remember that you know God loved us first, we do not merit His love. We do not deserve that love. He loved us unconditionally, and we. The scripture tells us to be imitators of God, and you know, and walk in love as Christ has loved us and gave Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God. We understand that I have to love unconditionally, that I have to.

Sacrifice and do what's best for the highest good of the other, without any kind of hidden agendas. And yet, I recognize that I cannot do it in my own strength.

So I have to pray and ask God for strength. God, would you help me today? Would you enable me today? There is something in me. Deep, deep in my flesh, that's resistant.

I need you to help me break the power.

Well, you've already broken the power of sin at the cross, but may I yield to you today? And and we tell other people about our commitment because accountability is important. To let people know what we're doing, have people in our in a circle to ask us how we're doing, and I think it was I think it was H. B. London some years ago who said that each one of us is one step away from failure.

Therefore, none of us dare live without accountability, and so we need to have these kind of accountability relationships in our lives where people are asking us, you know, how you doing. You know, those no questions spurs on and and stir us to keep our commitments to love other people. Yeah, yeah. And as Christians, we certainly have outside help, right? Oh yeah, Romans chapter five and verse five: the love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.

That's right.

I had a lady ask me one time, "Can you love your husband if you hate him?" And my answer eventually was, "Yes, you can." And I said, "You have God's help." Amen.

Well, Doctor Needle, let me thank you for being with us. Today and also for the time you invested in energy in writing this book, I think it's going to help anyone who who is willing to read it, because I think God's going to use it.

So again, thank you for what you've done in writing the book and thank you for being with us today.

Well, thank you, Dr. Chapman. It was a privilege and honor to be with you. What an encouraging conversation with Dr. Winfried Neely today!

And if you want to find out more about our featured resource, just go to the website buildingrelationships.us. You'll see the book right there, "A Love to Live By: Rediscovering Agape Love in Scripture." Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. And next week, your questions about the love languages and your relationships. Call and leave your message for our dear Gary broadcast right now at one eight six six four two four Gary. Maybe you have a question about how to love that difficult person in your life.

eight six six four two four four two seven nine Big thank you to Steve Wake and Janice Backing for their production work. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production. Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.